Sin

Submarines were never his vehicle of choice. They tended to be strange and dark and confining, but compared to coffins, they were virtual laps of luxury. And to emerge from one and find a cave hidden behind a waterfall, well... that merited exploration, and they did: he and Cloud and Tifa, after a promise to bring any and all materia they might find to Yuffie while she and Nanaki and Barret explored the surrounding area. Cid couldn't be bothered to step outside and stretch his legs; there was too much equipment to study on the sub and the tea was still hot. But restless as ever, it was time for Vincent to move, time to gather information. After all, that was one of the things he was best at. Passing through the waterfall, the three of them made their way inside. It was cold, dark, smooth; a crystalline flickering illuminated the far end of the cave. He didn't expect to find much, but he never expected what he heard.

Vincent...

For the first time in months, he could hear and feel the pounding of his own heart against his chest, his ribs. For decades, that voice haunted his dreams, his thoughts, his every move. Had he finally lost his mind? Was this the end of it? "That voice? It can't be... Lucrecia?" He took a step forward, hesitant, unwilling to believe the evidence before his eyes.

Vincent?

"Lucrecia!" This was no trick of the light or of the cave's crystalline surface: it was her -- although encased in crystal -- he'd recognize the sound of her voice anywhere. His initial reluctance to move closer faded, and he took another step, and another, and another, and then...

Stay back! A warning? A warning from his beloved? But why?

As if he was riveted to the spot, he couldn't move. All he could do was stand and watch, mouth agape, eyes wide, and motion for Tifa and Cloud to stay back. This was his business and none of theirs. A memory flooded his thoughts, then: the warmth of Nibelheim; he accompanied doctors Gast and Hojo and Crescent back to Shinra Mansion, then turned to stand guard outside. The sun was warm on him, and as he folded his arms low in the traditional standing-at-guard pose, he let the ambience of the setting soak in. The town itself was beautiful. Quaint, even, and relatively untainted.

It was months later that the two of them -- he and Lucrecia -- walked through the town together without anyone else. That, too, was a beautiful and warm day but it had to be. It had to be the perfect day, because he had something very important to ask her... something that had taken all his courage and he wasn't easily frightened. The decision to spend one's life with another person was something that hadn't come lightly, but he was convinced it was the right and only thing to do.

He never anticipated that she'd say no. But if being with Hojo made her happy, then... he told himself he didn't mind: he loved her and wanted for her what she wanted for herself, or so he thought.

Until the experimentation started. He'd even had the nerve to confront Professor Hojo, telling him he was against experimenting on humans. It seemed so cruel and dangerous, and Lucrecia was no throwaway bit of scientific fodder. Neither was her unborn child -- the one who would be called Sephiroth -- and the very thought of that turned his heart cold: how could they?

But they did, and all he could do was stand aside and watch and that... well, he'd been atoning for that sin ever since. Through life -- through death -- he'd spent his time repenting for his inaction, for all the things he regretted. And he'd thought Lucrecia was gone, but...

"Lucrecia, you're alive..."

Behind her veil of crystals, she sank to her knees. I wanted to disappear. I couldn't be with anyone... I wanted to die, but the Jenova inside me wouldn't let me die.

The moment she spoke he could feel the remnants of his heart shatter; it was surprising that the noise of it didn't echo throughout the cave. Clearly Lucrecia couldn't hear it: she continued and it was almost as if he wasn't really there. Or maybe it was she who wasn't really there.

Lately, I dream a lot of Sephiroth. My dear, dear child. Ever since he was born I never got to hold him, even once... not even once. You can't call me his mother. That... is my sin...

No, no, that wasn't a sin. That was something that was all Hojo's fault; he moved forward and as he did, Lucrecia straightened up and again held her hands out in a gesture of stop. To be so close and yet be held at arm's length...

Back!! Stay back! Vincent... Won't you please tell me?

"...What?"

If Sephiroth is still alive? I heard that he died five years ago. But I see him in my dreams so often... And I know that physically, like myself, he can't die so easily. Please, Vincent, tell me.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Cloud moving forward but much as Lucrecia did to him, he waved Cloud back, a silent warning for him to stay away, to keep out of things. This business with his beloved was his and his alone, none of Cloud's concern, none of Tifa's concern. Moving forward one more step, he knelt, took a deep breath, and spoke the lie. "Lucrecia... Sephiroth is dead."

Cloud and Tifa had the good sense to remain silent in the face of the lie: his newly-acquired sin. He had to mislead her. The thought of Lucrecia berating herself for what happened was more than he could bear. Although he never said the words to her, he thought them there and he still thinks them at every opportunity: let me shoulder the blame for the both of us. You have committed no sins. I, on the other hand... well, I suppose you could say I have that more than adequately covered.