ヴィンセント・ヴァレンタイン (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cloakandclaw) wrote2008-01-17 08:39 pm
cloakandclaw) wrote2008-01-17 08:39 pm
A Visit
Technically speaking there are only two ways to reach the cave where Lucrecia rests: by Chocobo or by submarine and he... opts for the Chocobo this time. It's far from his favorite way to travel but he has to get across the mountains and he's not willing to spend all his remaining gil hiring a submarine and, in the process, revealing Lucrecia's location to a stranger. But he's been this way many times before -- always alone after the first time when he was here with Cloud and Tifa -- and has a few contacts in various places, one of whom has a Chocobo that can be... borrowed... for the right price.
Even with the bird he's protective of the cave's location; each time he goes, he leaves it further and further away on the mountain, navigating the perilous passes on foot. Sometimes, he lets the cloak take over and soars short distances but he's hesitant to let that happen for very long lest it trigger a transformation. So it's ride, then walk and fly, walk and fly, until he's finally there.
As always, he takes a deep breath before he makes his way behind the waterfall and into the cave. Every time he arrives, there's a long moment of self-doubt: is this the right thing to be doing? What if she doesn't want him here? What if she's... not here? It's best to find out and deal with the consequences -- this is what he always thinks -- and as he enters the cave, he feels very small, very insignificant. He's not the one Lucrecia chose but then... he never saw her husband here and he never will. That's some very small comfort in a sea of discomfort: it's as if this place is designed just for the two of them.
One step, two steps, three: his footfalls echo off the cave's crystalline walls and he's drawn helplessly to the large crystal at the far side. It glows, pulses, mesmerizes him and even from here he can see a human form encased in the Mako and...
Vincent?
...his heart drops to his feet, crashes on the cave floor, splinters into a thousand tiny pieces.
"Lucrecia." This is a solo act, this visit, for very good reasons: he has absolutely no desire to share Lucrecia with anybody else but more than that, this is... highly emotional for him. His deep and measured breaths have done nothing whatsoever to keep his eyes -- red and demonic though they might be -- from filling with liquid as they do every time he sees her now. That's not something he wishes to share with anybody... not even himself, really. But the emotion is there and he's hard-pressed to suppress it. This cave is the one place he feels complete and whole.
Stay back.
"I know." Although it pains him greatly, he sits on the cave floor about halfway back so she won't have to repeat the warning; he's heard it more than enough times and knows to keep his distance.
Why have you come back?
There are so many ways he could answer the question. On some visits he goes on at great length and into great detail about what he's been doing, but not this time. This time, he just wants to be here.
To be with her.
His silence is apparently unacceptable. Do you have news of Sephiroth?
She clings to the idea of her son in a way that almost makes him jealous: if Sephiroth were here, would she be asking him if he has news of Vincent? No, but he can't claim to understand the bond between a mother and her child. His experience with that is so limited. At least this time when he answers her question, it's not a lie.
"No, he's... dead." He's told her this before, but she's just... a fragment. Maybe he's fooling himself by coming back here. Maybe what's left of her would rather he didn't, but... it's something he needs to do. However, if she ever told him to stop, he would. He would do it out of respect for her, to make her happy or happier, and go on his way sadder but...
He hopes that's one request she never makes. The silence in the cave is dense and weighty; he looks across at her unmoving form.
Vincent?
"Lucrecia?"
Her smile is entirely imagined; she's encased in Mako crystals and moves less than he was able to in his coffin. The back-and-forth with names is something that happens here frequently. It's as if she's just an echo, but there's sentience to it. They've had actual conversations so... somehow, somewhere, she exists. He doubts it's here, but he's reduced to taking what he can get. And that's something he does gladly.
Talk to me. Tell me things. I get so lonely in here.
That... breaks his heart in so many ways: he has to look away and close his eyes and swallow back the lump in his throat. He wants to tell her not to be sad, that he can't stand it, that it wrenches the very soul out of his body and makes him regret everything a thousand times more. But he sets that great distressed longing aside and talks: he tells her about his travels, about his visits with friends, about the state of the planet, about the Chocobo waiting for him halfway across the mountain. What he doesn't mention is anything about being away from this planet: things are confusing enough without adding that sort of thing to the mix. Besides, he can't see fit to burden her with his problems.
It's a lovely and light-hearted and very one-sided conversation, and when he's done talking, he stands. It's time to go: he doesn't want to get caught in the mountain passes at night.
"Lucrecia, it's... time for me to leave. May... I come back and see you again?" As long as he's been visiting this cave, he's always asked permission to return. He hardly realizes he's holding his breath waiting for her answer.
Silly Vincent. Now how can you be my bodyguard if you don't come back to check on me? There's an echo of laughter and just for Lucrecia, he smiles.
It isn't until he's back on the other side of the waterfall that the smile fades and his eyes close and he turns his back to the cave and to Lucrecia, swallowing back everything. This... never gets easier.
Never.
Even with the bird he's protective of the cave's location; each time he goes, he leaves it further and further away on the mountain, navigating the perilous passes on foot. Sometimes, he lets the cloak take over and soars short distances but he's hesitant to let that happen for very long lest it trigger a transformation. So it's ride, then walk and fly, walk and fly, until he's finally there.
As always, he takes a deep breath before he makes his way behind the waterfall and into the cave. Every time he arrives, there's a long moment of self-doubt: is this the right thing to be doing? What if she doesn't want him here? What if she's... not here? It's best to find out and deal with the consequences -- this is what he always thinks -- and as he enters the cave, he feels very small, very insignificant. He's not the one Lucrecia chose but then... he never saw her husband here and he never will. That's some very small comfort in a sea of discomfort: it's as if this place is designed just for the two of them.
One step, two steps, three: his footfalls echo off the cave's crystalline walls and he's drawn helplessly to the large crystal at the far side. It glows, pulses, mesmerizes him and even from here he can see a human form encased in the Mako and...
Vincent?
...his heart drops to his feet, crashes on the cave floor, splinters into a thousand tiny pieces.
"Lucrecia." This is a solo act, this visit, for very good reasons: he has absolutely no desire to share Lucrecia with anybody else but more than that, this is... highly emotional for him. His deep and measured breaths have done nothing whatsoever to keep his eyes -- red and demonic though they might be -- from filling with liquid as they do every time he sees her now. That's not something he wishes to share with anybody... not even himself, really. But the emotion is there and he's hard-pressed to suppress it. This cave is the one place he feels complete and whole.
Stay back.
"I know." Although it pains him greatly, he sits on the cave floor about halfway back so she won't have to repeat the warning; he's heard it more than enough times and knows to keep his distance.
Why have you come back?
There are so many ways he could answer the question. On some visits he goes on at great length and into great detail about what he's been doing, but not this time. This time, he just wants to be here.
To be with her.
His silence is apparently unacceptable. Do you have news of Sephiroth?
She clings to the idea of her son in a way that almost makes him jealous: if Sephiroth were here, would she be asking him if he has news of Vincent? No, but he can't claim to understand the bond between a mother and her child. His experience with that is so limited. At least this time when he answers her question, it's not a lie.
"No, he's... dead." He's told her this before, but she's just... a fragment. Maybe he's fooling himself by coming back here. Maybe what's left of her would rather he didn't, but... it's something he needs to do. However, if she ever told him to stop, he would. He would do it out of respect for her, to make her happy or happier, and go on his way sadder but...
He hopes that's one request she never makes. The silence in the cave is dense and weighty; he looks across at her unmoving form.
Vincent?
"Lucrecia?"
Her smile is entirely imagined; she's encased in Mako crystals and moves less than he was able to in his coffin. The back-and-forth with names is something that happens here frequently. It's as if she's just an echo, but there's sentience to it. They've had actual conversations so... somehow, somewhere, she exists. He doubts it's here, but he's reduced to taking what he can get. And that's something he does gladly.
Talk to me. Tell me things. I get so lonely in here.
That... breaks his heart in so many ways: he has to look away and close his eyes and swallow back the lump in his throat. He wants to tell her not to be sad, that he can't stand it, that it wrenches the very soul out of his body and makes him regret everything a thousand times more. But he sets that great distressed longing aside and talks: he tells her about his travels, about his visits with friends, about the state of the planet, about the Chocobo waiting for him halfway across the mountain. What he doesn't mention is anything about being away from this planet: things are confusing enough without adding that sort of thing to the mix. Besides, he can't see fit to burden her with his problems.
It's a lovely and light-hearted and very one-sided conversation, and when he's done talking, he stands. It's time to go: he doesn't want to get caught in the mountain passes at night.
"Lucrecia, it's... time for me to leave. May... I come back and see you again?" As long as he's been visiting this cave, he's always asked permission to return. He hardly realizes he's holding his breath waiting for her answer.
Silly Vincent. Now how can you be my bodyguard if you don't come back to check on me? There's an echo of laughter and just for Lucrecia, he smiles.
It isn't until he's back on the other side of the waterfall that the smile fades and his eyes close and he turns his back to the cave and to Lucrecia, swallowing back everything. This... never gets easier.
Never.