ヴィンセント・ヴァレンタイン (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cloakandclaw) wrote2008-04-29 06:36 pm
cloakandclaw) wrote2008-04-29 06:36 pm
[Milliways] Seeking the Familiar
It's silly: he's knocked at this door more than once since his return and there hasn't been any answer; he has no reason to believe that Tifa is anywhere but back in Midgar. It's where she was when he left for the Western continent and if there's any justice at all in this universe, it's where she is right now. He hasn't seen her the few times he's been at the bar; he hasn't seen her when he's been outside although... it's hard to see somebody from the depth of the forest. It's just... there hasn't been very good reason to be sociable. He's used to solitude; he's used to accounting for his time only to himself and, occasionally, to Lucrecia.
She doesn't really listen, though.
At the end of the day, he's... still Vincent and as long as Chaos is held at bay, he considers himself still human. And humans are social creatures and it's been some time since he was among friends. As much as any other man, he misses the people he knows even though he prefers to be alone. That's what he tells himself, at least and so... if that's true... why is he standing outside the door to Tifa's room, his back against the wall, as if she's going to miraculously appear?
Because he's lonely, but admitting that is... weak and... needy and... he already has enough to repent for. He has zero desire to be a burden of any kind at all to Tifa or to any of his friends and perhaps he clings to the idea of Tifa because she was a familiar sight in a strange and new place. But she's not here now and standing by her room is futile and more than a little pathetic; shaking his head, he turns to go.
He gets five paces down the hall before he turns back, makes his way with determined steps to her door, lifts his hand, and knocks.
He has absolutely nothing to lose but hope.
She doesn't really listen, though.
At the end of the day, he's... still Vincent and as long as Chaos is held at bay, he considers himself still human. And humans are social creatures and it's been some time since he was among friends. As much as any other man, he misses the people he knows even though he prefers to be alone. That's what he tells himself, at least and so... if that's true... why is he standing outside the door to Tifa's room, his back against the wall, as if she's going to miraculously appear?
Because he's lonely, but admitting that is... weak and... needy and... he already has enough to repent for. He has zero desire to be a burden of any kind at all to Tifa or to any of his friends and perhaps he clings to the idea of Tifa because she was a familiar sight in a strange and new place. But she's not here now and standing by her room is futile and more than a little pathetic; shaking his head, he turns to go.
He gets five paces down the hall before he turns back, makes his way with determined steps to her door, lifts his hand, and knocks.
He has absolutely nothing to lose but hope.
no subject
For an unexpected hug, maybe. He can still almost feel it, and that's possibly the most unnerving thing anyone has ever done to him since...
...since he started looking like some creature out of a nightmare. Tifa, while not eternally understanding, is a very kind and giving person and to say their gently-emerging friendship has caught him off-guard is an understatement. It's something he barely knows how to work. Unlike most children he didn't grow up surrounded by family and friends; he had a long period of isolation followed by an unceremonious send-off to a school far away once he was ten and then... once that was done he began working for Shin-Ra because his whole family worked for Shin-Ra. Establishing social ties, he knows, is nothing that's ever come readily for him.
It was with Shin-Ra, however, that he felt his most... normal: out of school, living on his own, garnering a taste of what most people were like. He's never been as big a drinker as Reno or as much of a company man as Tseng, but a group of his fellow Turks... hung out, spent time together. He's only seen one of them since, though, and it was a number of years ago for a few minutes and it's something he barely remembers.
It was bright when that coffin lid was opened, and he gave the requested information freely before being left to his solitude.
He wasn't ready yet. Not ready to leave, not ready to live.
He still dreams of Lucrecia every night: penance is an ongoing thing. It will probably stretch out for the remainder of his life which should be very long indeed, if one goes by the fact he hasn't aged in thirty years. Ultimately, he assumes, a battle will demolish him.
That's why fighting monsters is fun. It brings hope.
Shaking his head, he blinks the thoughts away. "I... got lost in thought there for a minute." But he won't apologize because she's told him he doesn't have to and he learns easily enough. "For my sake, I'm very glad to see you. For yours... I would like it if you weren't bound to this place." Reaching forward, he rests his hand on Tifa's arm briefly. "I'm very glad to see you."
no subject
And she's glad.
When they were traveling together before Meteorfall, she never heard him apologize all that much and it's not that he's doing it a lot now, but he's definitely apologized for more than he needs to. And she knows that whether or not he apologizes, he blames himself for things she can't think of any reason for him to take such blame for.
She smiles at him again. What he says is almost surprisingly sweet, and though Cid -- and Barret -- would probably never believe it, she's definitely felt better since she opened the door and found him standing there.
"Do you want to go downstairs? We could have some berry tea."
Everything seems a little bit more manageable when you have a friend around.
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It's getting easier: he doesn't even have to weigh her request with a long list of pros and cons this time and he can feel his eyes soften at her invitation. At this point he would do what she needs him to, but it's also nice to do something because it will be fun.
And it's nothing to do with fighting monsters, or at least not the literal kind, and he sets himself a new goal. This one doesn't involve repentance or atonement -- one would think his plate was already full of those -- but this new goal is to leave the darker memories to appropriate times and places rather than carrying them with him at all times. He's not so sure it's a goal he'll be able to meet any time soon, but if he focuses, he thinks he'll be able to attain it eventually.
At any rate it will give him something to work on while he's here. He would never tag along with Tifa all the time; he's far too used to being self-sufficient to allow himself to do that. But tonight, he'll have berry tea with her and hear all about her time back in Midgar if she'll share that with him. He liked visiting her there, seeing Cloud and Barret, meeting Marlene. And while he can't say he particularly enjoyed grocery shopping, it was an interesting change of pace.
He was alone enough again afterward, so... there's merit in spending time with friends, and no shame in actually wanting to do so.
Moving to the door, he opens it for her, waits until she's safely through, then closes it behind them. Never let it be said that Vincent Valentine -- no matter what he's become -- wasn't raised to be a perfect gentleman.